Interfaith and inter-caste marriages are becoming all the more common nowadays which is certainly a positive. However, with couples coming from different backgrounds it can sometimes make things confusing when it comes to wedding planning. Every community will have different customs and unwritten wedding rules that need to be adhered to, and these can often be the cause of a few heated arguments. If you’re in a similar situation, then here’s a quick guide on how to avoid a fallout.
1. Guest list
A lot of rows are said to be had over the number of people invited to a wedding. I do feel for people with larger families and big groups of friends who have no choice but to cut them out due to venue capacity restrictions – it’s even harder when the parents expect to invite their own friends. So, what’s the best way to avoid an argument? Get organised! Figure out who you absolutely must have at the wedding and allocate a spare number for your in-laws so they can invite any extras. This is easier than all of you being at loggerheads refusing to cut anyone out.
If you and your partner come from two different religious faiths and are having two different ceremonies then there shouldn’t be much of a problem, as each of you will be taking the lead with your respective ceremony. However, if you’re both Hindu for example and are looking to have a Hindu ceremony, you will find that each of your families have different rituals they want completed. Ensure that you sit down with both sets of parents and discuss your expectations before you meet the priest. You then need to sit down with the priest who can act as a mediator and incorporate both of your customs.
Does your mother or father-in-law want something in particular that you don’t? It’s fair to say that if you don’t absolutely hate their idea then maybe you need to cave in. After all you need to pick your battles wisely. However, if it’s something you’re completely against then you need to use the art of reverse psychology. Tell them how great their idea is and say you will look into it. It’s important they feel like you’re taking their suggestions into consideration. And, if all else fails you can have a quiet (sneaky) word with your supplier and see if they can do some persuading of their own on your behalf.
You’ll find that a lot of in-laws start acting out when they feel completely disengaged with the wedding. If you keep them at arm’s length then they will probably try and dig their heels in with every decision that you make. On the contrary if you involve them with your wedding by assigning them a specific task they’ll be more likely to leave the rest up to you as they’ll be too busy focusing on their job.
If the parents are paying then they will be expecting to have some sort of say with how those funds are spent. My advice to you is that before you embark on any kind of wedding research, make sure you put together a wedding budget outlining how much money you wish to spend in each area. Agree this with both sets of parents, so going forward you can say that you all agreed to spend the allocated ‘x’ amount per item. What tends to happen a lot of the time is that no clear wedding budget is in place, which leads to a lot of bickering.
6. Wedding Planner
Having someone in charge who can act as a mediator will certainly avoid any fallout. A professional wedding planner will have an abundance of industry experience and so when he or she is likely to tell you or your parents / in-laws something, you are more likely to listen. Not only will your planner help prevent any arguments, but he or she will ensure every other aspect of your day runs smoothly.